STOP! or not

I mentioned in a post the other day that I was mulling over some things. One of the big things I have been thinking about a lot is how my life has stopped and/or continued for the past two, almost three years as I have been on chemo and seeing doctors and moving to be closer to doctors, etc. I say it a lot, but "When this is over I'm going to ____________" (Have fun, fill in the blank!) The thing that I am just now coming to realize (sometimes I'm not the quickest) is that THIS* IS LIFE.

*(pointing to me and my situation)

When I am better I'm not instantly going to be zapped back to 25 years old and poof, there are your five years back! Look at everything I learned! Now I can get on with my life! Nope: This. Is. It.

In light of that recent finding (feel free to say "DUH!") I am going to try and be a little more purposeful with my time. I feel like I have been drifting the past few years as "healing" was my job. Yes, there were times when I was drastically out of it, and there might be times in the future when I am the same way, but there are too many things I want to do and I can't keep putting them all off "until I get better". Granted some of those things might be harder than others at this point (touring Europe in some form or another right now might be kind of difficult) but there are other things, like studying something, writing, drawing, re-learning to play the guitar, learning to program, reading more, etc etc, that could keep me busy here and now, keep my mind engaged and help me to be a better person "when I'm free of this cancer" as opposed to "well, there were some semi-fun video games... and there were some good ceilings I stared at."

Thus, in light of realizing that the "candle" of my life is burning weather I am sick or not, I am going to be more purposeful with the time I have. (Because frankly at the start of the year I wasn't too sure I'd be this far anyway.) Some of the things I will be doing are things that you all will be able to engage in in some way or another, and other things you might never hear about. But either way, I want you to be free to ask me what I am doing with my time. I'd appreciate prayers on the matter as well.

Thanks team!


~B.
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