Sunday, December 16

Cancer is my Fiery Furnace

Most of you follow along with me via social networking of some sort (Google+, Twitter, Facebook) and even if you don't have an account on any of those services I post most of my stuff publicly so that you can share my story with people who don't know me.

I was admitted to the hospital last night, as most of you know, and when I was admitted the reason for my admission was... vague. Today, after getting a doctor situation sorted out (they had/ have me in the wrong department) I saw the doctor and he said there were some "opaque spots" in my lungs. Those spots are most likely inflaming my right lung, and with the tumors that are in there there isn't a lot of space for things to grow... at least without serious pain. They are proceeding with the assumption that these spots are pneumonia, but the truth is that they don't really know. They are assuming they aren't tumors, but they let me know that that was a possibility. (Thanks... really. (sarcasm))

Generally my tumors have stayed out of my organs. (Not the case for all DSRCT cases) So if these are in fact tumors in my lungs then it will be a first. I'm not trying to dwell on "bad news" I am just letting you know the situation, and potentially why they are handling me slightly differently than a normal case of pneumonia.

I can think about this in several different ways: I can freak out and consider my end as approaching all the sooner. Or I can look at it like Daniel's three friends and the fiery furnace. The "hotter" the fire gets the more honor and glory God gets from healing me. (And even if He doesn't, as the guys are so famous for saying, (Daniel 3) He is still God and I will continue to honor Him as long as I can.)

Though, I wouldn't be being one hundred percent honest if I didn't tell you that opption number one stands just inside the far reaches of my mind and shout things that make me think doom and gloom. It's been really important lately to have things like scripture handy to combat those things. It is SO HARD not to let those thoughts take root, and they rapidly grow into a thicket of doubt.

While I am battling physically I also battle spiritually and mentally, and this is where you all come in. You are part of God's army asking God on my behalf to rescue me, to save me, and to protect me. Thank you. I know sometimes it seems like there isn't much you can do, but prayer is so important because my soul is what goes on forever, this body is failing fast and I need spiritual support so very much. While I don't see any problem with asking God for physical things, just remember that the spiritual side goes on forever. Thank you all, and I am sorry if I repeat myself... It's because I need to hear it.

[Editor's note: not a day after writing this a friend and co-worker was writting about the deaths of 20 students and teachers at an elementary school in Connecticut and he focuses and breaks down some of Daniel 3. You can give it a read over at his blog, Missions Boesel Style. ]

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