I am tired of being tired as often as I am. If I had planned things I would have been at OC today helping with a domain migration that has been a year plus in the planning. But today I am at home completely worn out from low potassium and magnesium counts. My pain level hasn't disappeared, but it has gone down to a level that I can easily ignore most of the time.
But I find myself wondering, as I have planned none of this cancer stuff, and it looks like I'm going to be in this battle for another 9 months at least, I wonder what's next? I pray daily that God will make this cancer disappear, and I know many of you are praying the same thing. Here we are in February, with looking at something like October before chemo is over. I am standing at the foothills with what I have gone through already and I am looking up towards the peak and I do not know if I will see the summit. And then when I get there are there more mountains behind? Will I ever kick this? My strength is not sufficient to hold me out for more than a couple years of this. I must rely on God's strength for my solutions, but I don't know how much of this, how long, I want to battle this.
This last week was a lot to handle, and I am torn down.
~B.
I never stop praying for you Ben! hang in there friend!!! Chin up!!!
ReplyDeleteIn His grace and mercy, God only has us climb the mountain one step at a time. On the trail, we learn who He is and how much He loves us--we grow in intimacy with Him. Remember, "He leads me in paths of righteousness for the sake of His name." Those paths have been carved out before you ever set foot on them. They are paths He has walked before you. He knows the way. And, best of all, He is walking those paths with you, as He never, ever leaves you or forsakes you.
ReplyDeleteThere is a song on my mind for you this morning. I'm trying to see if I can download it from I-Tunes or Amazon or somewhere and send it to you. Kinda' old, but it's one I sang a lot when I rocked you as a baby.
Brother - praying for you! Hang in there. I honestly can't even imagine how exhausted of it all you must feel, but hang in there. We love you and pray for you. Thank you for posting and being open with your feelings...
ReplyDeleteLove to both of you!