Friday, August 31


When visiting the oncologist it's never been all that great of an idea to go in optimistic. Odds are good that you will be disappointed. It's better to go in and assume you're going to hear "there is nothing more we can do." and instead hear, "Well, the tumors are stable, but they aren't shrinking at all." or "the tumors have grown a bit..." Emotionally it's a lot easier to come up, than be up and come down.

I like to be optimistic, but in these cases you have to know also how to protect yourself and not to get hurt. It also means that if you're right, and they DO lay on some bad news then you nod knowingly.

I have to confess with the way I have felt the last three weeks that I am not expecting good news. And honestly that scares me a little bit. I am tired, I am in pain, I feel sick. These are signs.

I don't know what else to say. It's not going to be an easy weekend.

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