Tuesday, September 18

This is new

"New" things for me in the medical arena aren't really things I like so much. Something I haven't experienced in a while, can be ok (time off, being cancer free, etc), but new pains... they aren't so great. This past weekend I had a pain in my right shoulder area. I took some pretty strong meds to be able to deal with them and then called the doctor on Monday. Word came down that this was the spread of my "disease" most likely pushing against my heart making me feel the pain where I was feeling it.

As someone who is trying to beat cancer, this is a discouraging step. Most especially since the past few days I have been hopped up on pain killer (I am adding a new one to my list today with hopes that it'll stop the pain...) and my mind has been foggy, I've been even more tired than usual, and being tired doesn't help my lack of motivation at all either.

I'm not going to lie, this recent development is a little scary to me. A lot of places in my body seem "safer" than others. My heart is one of the "really not safe" places to have tumor's invading. I also know that I've had difficult times and not as difficult times in this fight.

I am often very careful with how I allow my self to hope, but even this is damaging some of that hope I had. Please pray for me. God has used his whole cancer situation to bring me closer to Him, so I hope that is what he is doing with this. Please pray that I wouldn't be afraid of the things God has to teach me, and that in every new thing (good or bad) I would praise God in the situation.

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