The net and the wire

Being sick enough to go to the hospital can be like walking on a tightrope. It's about balance in your life, with or without a big balancing pole. When you're in the hospital it's like working with a net under you... Even if it's not true. The net gives you some idea that if you fall you're going to be caught and NOT break your neck and die. So you learn to work with the wire and the net. Then they eventually release you to true it on your own. Generally I do just fine. I am often kind of grumpy the first day back from the hospital and others suffer for my insecurities, but it evens out and I get on with life.

The problem here is that I have come to the realization that the net the hospital seems to put under you in times of trouble is in fact one made of flimsy cheap rope. That if you fall in the hospital, off the rope and plummet to the ground, younare jus as dead. It might happen more slowly, but you're going to reach the bottom with enough force to kill you eventually. The irony here is that the real net is Jesus Christ. He's the net we can't see, and when it's our time to get off the rope we will fall, but HE is there to catch us at the bottom. And if we really trust him with our lives then the fall the end of the wire work, looks spectacular and gives praise to God for training such magnificent wire workers in their dismounts.

I have been struggling with my potential dismount. I feel like part of this past week was dismount training. Maybe a little bit of "how to fall" training. Leaving the hospital today the realization that the fake net I had come to put a little bit of reliance on was gone hit me hard... About the same time I had some troule breathing. It's scary trying to balance this sickness on the wire so high off the ground with everyone watching. What kind of dismount will I have? How will the end of that show glorify God? Is this the end of the act? Or do I get reach the end and turn around and start a new act?

Either way I need peace about it. It's scary being up here with lots of eyes on you. Breathing alone is hard enough these days. I'd appreciate the help asking God to heal up my lungs and help me get some some more time up on the wire. Thank you for your continued support and love. We head out to Seattle tomorrow for what could be a final show, but if it is or if it isn't I hope that I will find peace in Seattle and hope. Thank you for prayers towards that end. We love you all very much!

~B.
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