Sunday, March 24


I guess there is no such thing as outside of God's will... But I have to admit I think this might be faster than I anticipated.

Went to the ER this morning because I couldn't breathe after getting up and going to the bathroom. There they ran some tests and told me just about the last thing I wanted to hear. I have pneumonia in both lungs and the tumors are blocking airways on both sides.

They are keeping me in the hospital. I don't know what to say. If God is making this impossible to get out of to teach me something, it doesn't get much more impossible than this.

This is all coming down faster than anyone thought. I'm scared. I cry a lot, Lisa is crying a lot. The little man screaming in my head is overwhelming now. I am drowning. I need some major help. To be honest at this rate I might not make it beyond Wednesday.


  1. Ben, praying for God's comfort. I didn't tell you this on Thursday, but I just got this song come back to me, so I'll tell you what it is. "I'm not finished with you yet" is the song that keeps coming back to me, every time I think of you. I don't know why, but here it is. Praying for you and Lisa. Love, Natasha

  2. I've cried a bit today, too. I cried for Lisa whom I have not met. I cried at your fear. I cried in my hated of cancer, of sin, of how wrong death is to the human experience... and over how ill-equipped we are to handle death. I cry with Jesus over the devastation sin/death has on the rest of us (John 11).

    I just cried with and for you both today. Powerless, but with you both in my heart. Begging the God who loves you beyond understanding to be more understandable. And if nothing else, to make His presence clearly and powerfully felt.


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