Today was one of those days where I never really feel asleep. I was super tired from last night and never really was able to get the sleep I was looking for. Or the sleep I was craving. A lot of dreamings that were really strange, but nothing that ever took shape, and in fact I could feel them linger on me for a long time. Kind of like some nervous energy that never really found a home. Some of it I wonder if it has to do with my disease? I mean most of the time, people say I am doing really well (doctor's, other folks, etc, etc) with handling the fact that people say that I am dying. Then there are other other times where it seems like I can't seem to get air. Sometimes I wonder, you know? God could totally shore this up and it would be just fine and then I wonder if that is just overreaching optimism.
Today I am tired. Deep down, I wish I knew for sure which way this would go. Today is a pessimistic day I think. I canceled two appointments because I had a migraine, and now I am sitting here with nothing but sweat and bad feelings.
I hope... pray that this weekend picks up and I feel better. Can you pray for that as well? I'm feeling down and the whole ... situation ... isn't helping at all.
~B.
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