To live, to die

My parents arrived in town last night (about 2 minutes before Lisa got home from work actually, good timing Lisa) and they got to see the townhouse for the first time. We spent the evening eating, and catching up. I've been excited about having them here for a while. (This trip was planned before any word of my illness came down)

It should be a fun weekend showing them around. Which I think, quite honestly, I am going to need a fun weekend.

Medical wise no update yet on hearing from MD Anderson, but I am supposed to hear from them sometime before the end of Monday. I have an MRI of my brain (to check for more of these little guys) on Monday morning at 8:20am. I'll bring the headphones.

Something I told a friend of mine yesterday that I have been thinking more about lately is the verse in Phillipians in the bible where it says, "To live is Christ, to die is gain." It's kind of one of those verses that I mentally understood. Ok, yes, to live on the earth is to live for Christ and dying I get to go to heaven. Ok, I understand that in my head. I still don't WANT to die though!

More recently though I have come to understand that verse perhaps at more of a "heart" level. My life on this earth is a mostly scary, intimidating, and disappointing thing. No matter how many times I beat cancer the fear of it coming back with ALWAYS hang over my head, no matter what I think the outcome should be, there is ALWAYS the fact that God might have different plans for me. No matter how much I think I might want something and that it will change/ fulfill something in my life, odds are good that once I get it I'll be disappointed in some way with it.

I think some of it too probably has to do with a book I am in the process of trying to read about heaven, and quite honestly that has changed how I think about the life after this one. ("Heaven" by Randy Alcorn. The book should be sub-titled: "If you think the Bible doesn't say anything about Heaven, think again.")

I think the real "fear" part comes in the passing from one to the other. However I don't think babies like being born either. That's I guess the last time I passed from one state to another. No one asked my opinion then either.

I'm not writing this to let you know I'm going to cash my chips in early. Nope. As long as I have the strength to fight this (and probably beyond) I will fight for my life. I'm just saying that I don't think I am as afraid of the outcome as maybe I was last time. (O death where is your sting? 1 Corinthians 15:55)

Now I'm going to go and attempt to have a good time this weekend. Thank you for your continued prayers! Lets beat this together!

~B.