So tired

I have been sleeping through the night but my body seems to be working harder than usual to fix itself, and it is leaving me insanely drained. I seriously haven't been in this much prolonged pain since I had shingles at the end of my last bout with this cancer.

They gave me some kind of liquid pain killer that does a pretty good job of taking away the pain, but one of the side effects (besides tasting like pineapple soap) seems to be appetite suppressant and at my last weigh in I was a solid 130lbs. Which is I believe the lowest point I was at last time I had a run in with DSCRT. I BADLY need to gain weight and as much as I would like to do it by eating everything fatty and generally bad for me (Pizza 3 times a week wouldn't be bad for me would it? I mean what if it was veggie pizza?) I really feel like I should at least attempt some pretty healthy eating, being as no one really knows what causes this cancer, it sure wouldn't hurt to hit my body with just about everything healthy I can find. (I've mostly given up beef BTW. More for the health reasons than anything else. I've noticed that when I am recovering that nothing hurts my body so much as some type of beef.)

My "darling" as of late has been salads with blue cheese dressing. I would prefer a Roquefort dressing, but sadly I cannot locate it in the stores. (Also Roquefort is some kind of crazy expensive cheese these days, so I'll have to stick to a simple blue.)

I wanted to thank everyone for the continued outpouring of support. I have to confess that it's weeks like this that my battle seems too much to bear. It's hard living and makes me so tired. Especially when I spend pretty much all day in bed without doing a whole lot. I am very glad for my laptop which becomes a kind of portal to outside.

I miss the rain. It's snowed here a bit this winter, but I could really use some nice rain. I think it would give me a nice cleansing feeling. It's kind of funny that I complain about being bored of lying in bed all day, there really are a million things I could do. However working is one of the main things I would like to be doing. Maybe I just need to change my definition of work to fit something that I can do lying down.

Thanks for the continued love and support.

~B.