Identity

A wise man once said, "Vanity, vanity, all is vanity"... or something like that. I was thinking a bit about that today as I was thinking over how, after these many years or not having much hair (for medical reasons) it still shocks me when I look in the mirror and see something like this:

When I am expecting to see something more like this:

Namely in the hair department I think. Granted when I got married I was 60 pounds heavier than I am right now, so loosing a few pounds has been ok, but it's the "hair not there" that continually throws me. Even today, this very morning I put my hand up to my head thinking about running my hand through my hair and nope. Nothing there. 

Something I think that is partially "funny" (in the not quite funny quotes type of way) is that if I had shaved my own head under "willing" (a bet, a dare, 20 bucks, etc) circumstances I am willing to bet my perception of my self would be different. Instead my head is holding onto this pre-chemoland vissage of myself that is not only wrong for who I am NOW, but who I potentially WILL BE in the future. (Weather this fight ends tomorrow (? Please ?) or years and years from now.) 

Part of the problem though is that I am not consciously holding onto this image of myself. I'm not sure how to move on paste this mental image of me that isn't true. Maybe I need to spend more time looking in the mirror? Maybe staring at myself, taking pictures of myself, or photoshopping myself into medieval tapestries? I'm not sure. But I'm not sure how my image of myself would/n't have changed as I grew up without such an event in my life happening. 

It's a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but it's something that I find fascinating about myself as well. (I constantly have dreams about where I grew up in Washington.) It's interesting to think about and consider for myself, but in the grand scheme of my issues it's pretty down on the list of things that need to get solved. Thanks for following me down this road. How different is what you think about yourself and what you see in the mirror are you from yourself?

We continue to look for and pray about our moving situation. I think we'll probably go out this week and see a place or two and the neighborhoods around them as well. Potentially significantly closer to MDA than we are now (about 25 miles closer) which could yield us another bedroom, and a commute time of 5-10 minutes vs the 45-1.5 hours we do now. Of course prayer for our choices are greatly appreciated.

Thanks a lot team. I have no doubt that you will get an entertaining story tomorrow about Ben's first cavity experience. Stay tuned.


~B.
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