Pilluar Problems

Despite being on this drug for almost 2 months I have yet to find any kind of pattern or method for making life "work" with this drug. When I was doing the high dose IFX this time last year I was completely wasted. It took four to six months for me to find something that worked and settle into a kind of rhythm. It worked and eventually I had a couple months where I had a pattern I could follow and feel better and get on with life. Perhaps I can find that place with these pills.

In the meantime though I have been mentally feeling better in those times where I am not so sick. It's a lot nicer to at least feel more mentally well in those times I have where my body is feeling a step up on "ick". My body hasn't been doing any better than it was the past few weeks, but at least my attitude about the whole thing is a bit better. At the start of these things (new drugs) my emotions seem to follow my physical reactions. Then after a bit the two separate and even if my week is horrible and/or the this week was worse than the week before, my mind and spirit are more "perky" and I at least mentally am doing better.

This week has been hard. Monday night a few hours after taking my meds I threw up in the bathroom sink and my abdomen seized up. My whole abdomen cramped up. Every muscle, as far as I can tell, locked up. I spent a minute almost screaming in pain (I'm kind of surprised the neighbors didn't call the police or something) my abdomen muscles started to relax a bit. I spent five to ten minutes standing in a strange position over the sink trying to get my legs and abdomen working again. That night afterwards I didn't have much pain, but the past two days if I cough or sit in a strange way (IE: put any strain on my abdomen) it hurts a LOT.

In the past it's generally just been one side of my body that'll cramp up like that. This total lock-up is something new. I would really appreciate prayer for my abdomen, the pain isn't any less than it was yesterday, so this is either going to just "go away" or it's going to take a long time.

I also need prayer for trying to figure out my drugs and how best to take them to avoid being sick and being able to eat more. (My weight has been slowly going down.) I need to get more food in my body as well. I will often not have much for breakfast, and if I have breakfast late then I'll skip lunch and not eat until dinner. And then sometimes at dinner I'll eat "a lot" (for me).

Anyway, folks, I need prayer because I feel like I'm not getting better on these drugs. It's just a state of sick. Not a lot of increase in feeling better. I also have a scan coming up next week. Tuesday is my scan (March 5th) and Wednesday I see the doctor for the breakdown. I'm not sure what to expect... side effects have been hard... but maybe that means God has been using the drug? But despite the drug God can heal me completely. And that is something that Lisa and I have been hoping for. Despite the drug that God will work amazingly in my body.

Thanks everyone. 

~B.
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