Saturday, July 7

Letter to Adam

Dear Adam,
I'd like to apologize right off the bat for not being able to be there this weekend. Having cancer and the complications that go with it wasn't part of my plan when I envisioned being involved of your wedding... That and you didn't have some excuse like that 2 years ago when I got married. As I am most likely either in the hospital or too sick at the moment to get to where you are, I wanted to take a moment to write to you and convey some things that 2 years of marriage have taught me, your older brother.

First off, remarkably, stems directly from why I can't be there with you this weekend. While I NEVER hope you have to endure anything like this in your life, I sincerely hope that you will get to experience a positive side effect that it has brought on. I could NOT have gotten as far as I have today without the help of my very supportive and loving wife Lisa. I pray that you and Shelly will be able to experience the kind of bond of support that Lisa and I have experienced sometime in your marriage. I don't know if that can happen without hardship, and I know it sounds horrible wishing something like that for you so close to your wedding, but that is the glue of marriage. Cling first to God and then to each other when the hard times hit. You won't be disappointed with the outcome.

Second, you have no promise of anything in this life other than the love of God. Do not forget this and make it the foundation of your marriage. Pray together, worship together, praise together, get to understand our wonderful creator together, grow in God together.

Third, when you say something like, "In sickness and in health" know that that doesn't just mean "when I've been married 40 plus years". That thought did run through my head 2 years ago when Lisa and I got married. I guess the point of this point is that you need to take the promises and vows you make each other seriously. You are going to be standing before a bunch of people, and God, when you say those promises and I would hope that you cherish and remember those vows you make to each other as sacred words before Him. I would hope that would mean far more to you for the rest of your lives than the love you feel for each other now. You love will change, God's love will not.

Finally, know that I love you Adam. I've known you your whole life and while we have taken drastically different paths I wish you and Shelly the best. I would hope that this sickness I am enduring now is simply a venue by which I can get to know you and Shelly much better in the future. Don't be shy, I've got a lot of free time these days, I'm your brother and we can talk about anything.

To close I will leave you in the hands of a far more elegant man than myself, Robert Browning, who summed this whole letter up nicely and finalizes my wish for you both when he said:
"Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made.
Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!'"

I love you,



  1. Ben, I loved reading this letter. Although I'm not married (and not even in a relationship), your points really made me think. A lot of married people don't seem to keep in mind the ramifications of their vows. I am so thankful that you two are learning things in your marriage and reaching a deepness in your marriage that takes some couples years. You two are such an encouragement to me of what it means to be godly and have faith. In you, I can see every good side and positive outcome of going through trials. I'm thankful to have you as a bro-in-law.

  2. Anonymous8:02 AM

    Hi Ben,

    I'm so happy that technology came through when it was most needed! It was a privilege for Gary and I to get to watch the wedding with you and Ryan. Sorry you were feeling so badly. I hope you're home soon. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers every day.


  3. Anonymous10:13 PM

    Hi Ben,

    We have a portable DVD player for you. I'll correspond with you via email on how to get it to you.

    Gary Brown


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