Saturday, April 14

Dawn again

I was awoken this morning by a combination of left-over migraine and chemo. It was just one of those mornings where it was "close enough" to what I needed to get for sleep and so getting up would be better than lying in bed focusing on my headache. So I got up. It was pre-dawn and this morning I have had the pleasure of watching the sun come up on a slightly overcast blustery day.

I know there are people out there who are up this early because they are forced to be, and sometimes people I know prefer the night, but really, there are some times where I think you just need to experience a good early morning. I'm not saying it has to happen often, but sometimes just waking up before dawn, getting a bite to eat and enjoying being slower than the world around you and watching it all come awake just makes you feel more than human.

I know I need that... well at least that I am imbued with more than just the strength and ability that this flesh gives me. As I dragged myself to bed last night, head pounding from migraine, just off chemo, and feeling horrible I thought about where my strength comes from. Frankly it's surprising to me that I have any left at all, which I think only speaks to the blessing that God has given me.

There is a tiredness that resides within me that could consume me whole, and sometimes I wish it would just consume me. But frankly I feel like God has more for me right now and there is much to do still. I just need to figure out what that looks like.

In the "figuring it out" phase here I have some good news. It looks like my medical costs, AND my monthly paycheck, is able to be covered by everyone's generous donations. I am now more of a help than a hindrance to the nonprofit company I work for, thankfully in part towards what you have helped to donate. Thank you everyone.

Lisa and I continue to try and figure out what God wants us to be doing with our time between treatments. As they get a little easier each time, and take up less time to get back to "wanting to do something" it seems like we/ I should be doing something more specific with my time between treatments, but I don't know what that looks like. (Locations, people, churches, work, etc etc) There are a lot of options. We could continue to use some prayer in that area.

Thank you everyone.

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