This morning I have my MRI. The point is to scan my head to see if there are any (noticeable) cancer cells in my brain. I don't want to be a pessimist, but I have to admit that I will not be surprised if they find something. It seems to be the way things work with oncologists in my life.
However I got to thinking about it and I was reminded of the story in the bible about Daniel's friends and the fiery furnace. The gist being (you can read it all at that link) that the king made an idol he wanted everyone to bow before and the Daniel's friends wouldn't do it so he got angry at them and asked them why they wouldn't bow and they said, "our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king." And then they went on to say that even if God didn't deliver them that they would not worship the idol or turn from God. (You can see how it ends at that link)
It got me thinking. My cancer in the first place was bad. Scary numbers, horrible odds, etc. Then God rescued me from that. Then the "fire" as it were got hotter as my cancer did something that it's really not supposed to do. And I guess I am looking at this MRI today as a chance for the fire to get even hotter.
Despite this however it doesn't change anything. Even if they were to scan my whole body and find stuff all over the place (excluding my abdomen (that's kind of a joke, as every time they have looked at my scans in the last few weeks they have said things like. There is some strange stuff in your lung region... but your abdomen is clear!)) it doesn't really change anything for me. My hope would still be in God, and while my outlook might not be good, I believe that He is God. I will continue to hope, and hope extravagantly that God will rescue me from this, AND dear friends and family I would ask that you would continue to do the same.
Now if you'll excuse me I am going to go sit in a tube which will make very loud sounds for the next 45 minutes.
~B.
I am with you, my friend, though I have to admit it is hard having never walked your path. I am at a loss for know how to help. These things cause me to struggle with God, but I come to the same place as you, only with a different place in scripture to land on. I end up, in my wrestling, with Jesus disciples after most of his fair weather followers have left. Jesus asks them, "Will you leave me too?" and their answer is, "Where would we go? You have the words of eternal life." I have no other place to go but right back into the waiting arms of a God who loves me but who I can't figure out. He, after all, is our only hope.
ReplyDeleteHey Ben and Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI was very heartened by your post this morning, and am praying for you now as you take the MRI. I recall God taking me through the same thought process about "even if He does not" kind of faith. This must be one of the Spirit's essential truths and purposes in trial. Lyn and I continue to think of you both often, and pray for you too.
Praying for you Ben!! We love you guys!!
ReplyDeleteSteven and Jessie Tripp
Ben, so glad to see that you are standing firm in your faith. Remember the story doesn't force God to do anything but shows faith no matter what the outcome.
ReplyDeletePraying...Naomi
I like the translations of Daniel 3:18 that begin as "but if not"; I think those three tiny little words together (knowing the context, obviously) are such a deep, beautiful example of what it means to live a life of faith.
ReplyDelete