Climbing up hills

Life is hard. I don't think there has been a time in the past couple years where I haven't felt like I was living life and also climbing up a hill at the same time. Today we planned to do some very simple things, and they ended up being very steep hills for me.

Some of what I am going through, to be sure, anyone goes through as they age. Things that used to be so simple are now large tasks. Only problem is, I'm 30 and while I am sure there is to be some of this that is expected, it is/ has been happening to me a lot faster than it might normally.

It's been hard because it seems so easy to want to do something like wander around and look at Christmas lights, but I do so for a handful of minutes, in a large crowd, and I feel like my entire energy store for the day gets depleted. It's like Christine's spoon theory. (Which I am sure I have mentioned before) I only have so many in the course of the day, and frankly, recently I have been waking up with fewer spoons than I even realized.

I was thinking about it this morning and I realized that I really want to be healed (despite knowing that heaven is on the other side) because I feel like there is so much more work to be done. He's given me a passion for things that need doing in certain areas, and I would really like to have the strength and energy to do them. BUT (like the boys in the fiery furnace) if God chooses not to rescue me from this I would hope that I could inspire more of YOU (that I both know and don't know) to do those things, or fund those things, that I have a passion for.

Sometimes God tells us no. I understand that. And really the other side of "no" is heaven for me. I have a thousand thousand things that I would like to do and get done here, but God, ultimately, knows what is best for me, all of you, and how my sickness plays into that. This is not a call to stop praying for healing by any means, but I want to let you know that if God chooses to go a route non of us wanted or anticipated, that that is, more than ever, His plan, which is good and right and better for all of us.

Prayer requests:

• We're entering a pretty busy "season" of the year. I already know I don't have the strength for it, please join me in asking God to provide the strength to be a walking advertisement for Him.
• We need wisdom on how to plan for everything that we'd like to do in the next two months.
• Please pray for my doctor and his spiritual state. I don't know where he stands spiritually, but I can only imagine that this job is insanely difficult. 
• There are two writing projects I really want to get done in the next three months that I feel very strongly about finishing, I need to start dedicating time to those and my prayer would be that God would bless those and make those things that people could really enjoy and learn from when I am done with them.
• Daily strength. For both Lisa (putting up with me) and myself (putting up with me).

Thank you again, as always, for the love and support. 

~B.
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