I start chemotherapy tomorrow. I don't know many details at this time. I've been doing stuff today to save us some money and make Lisa's life a little easier if I can't help out.
I also met with a friend briefly at Starbucks today and we talked for a bit. The things he had to say were kind of hard to hear. When I got home I sat down and talked with God about them. The things I got from the Starbucks conversation as well as my time with God afterwards were as follows:
Christ gave his life for me on the cross ~2000 years ago. By becoming a Christian I gave my life to God to do with as He wanted. This is God's free gift to human kind that we are saved from eternal death (hell) because of Christ's sacrifice for us those many years ago. In exchange we get to go to heaven for believing in God/ Jesus. The difficult part of this is that God can, and will, call us to do whatever it is He wants us to do to glorify His name on earth. God has my life, and as my friend pointed out, God has called me out of the mundane-ness of a normal life and has asked me for more. I don't know if that ultimately means that this test will be the end of my life (it's God's to take) or if I'll have many more years and lots more tests and trials. I don't know that I'll ever stop praying for God to heal me, but above all else my life is His and I want to do with it what He wants me to do with it.
I was also reminded that the bible says that God has ordained all of our days. He knew us from before we were born to our very last breath. I don't know the outcome of my life until it's over. But God has ordained it, everyday I am God's. I will not polish this over for you. Being completely in God's control and not being able to do anything yourself is scary. But He also provides a peace and a strength that comes from giving my life to Him and letting Him control what happens.
Always, forever, for God's Glory.
~B.
One thing to always remember is that God's picture is SO much bigger than ours. When Nate Saint, Jim Elliot, and the other men died it appeared so very tragic. And it was...from man's standpoint. However God has received glory upon glory through their sacrifice. My mind would tend to say, "Well, they were missionaries down there doing God's work. They were prepared to lay down their lives." And that might be. But are we less missionaries here in the hostile, liberal territory of Seattle? You and Lisa are being called to the temporary mission field of Virginia Mason Hospital. Go as a servant. Blow them all away with your attitude.
ReplyDeleteI think it is okay to desire life here on this earth. I believe He is the one who places those desires in our hearts.
Wow, you're learning amazing lessons at 25 years age. Maybe I'll catch up to you someday.
Love,
Mom
Ben,
ReplyDeleteAs you begin chemo tomorrow...some Scriptures from Ps. 34 that I hope will buoy you up In fact, I will be praying these Scriptures for you! Nancie and I have been praying earnestly for you and Lisa. Our heart is heavy...yet we cling to the assurance that the Judge of all the Earth will do right. (Gen. 18:25).
Glen Schaumloeffel
"I sought the Lord, and He answered me, and delivered me from all my fears." (Ps 34:4).
"The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him, and rescues them." (Ps 34:7).
"O taste and see that the Lord is good; how blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!" (Ps 34:8).
"The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and His ears are open to their cry."
(Ps 34:15).
"The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Ps 34:17-18).
"Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all." (Ps 34:19).
"The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, and none of those who take refuge in Him will be condemned." (Ps 34:22).
Thank you Glen. Hopefully I can see you sometime soon!
ReplyDelete~Ben