Monday, June 18

Dark Nausea

It's been strange, after my 2nd round of chemo I've discovered that I can't walk around in the dark anymore with out getting really queezy and starting to gag a bit. It if keeps up it leads to full on "bowing before the toilet" activities. Even half light is enough to set me off. It's really strange and I'm not sure why it's happening. But suffice it to say that I now walk in the light!

In other news I am home again from yet another hospital. Group Health Hospital in Redmond or "Eastside" as they like to call it. I'll be heading back there for a brief visit today to get my blood drawn so that they can see if I am really recovering or if I am just pretending. (I'm hoping for the real deal) The lady that draws my blood (as I have a central line and don't need to get poked with a needles anymore (FEW!)) over there is really great at it and it generally takes me longer to get over there than to get the blood drawn.

Healing wise my energy level is up, I only got up once last night and I am hungry. The only obstacle to my eating whatever I wish is my tongue. Some left-over thrush clings to the back lower side of my tongue and while swallowing liquids is no longer a problem, chewing hurts. Prayer request: White blood cells go up, thrush goes bye-bye.

On a kind of funny/ thoughtful note: it's really hard to be hungry and yet be blocked by something like my tongue from eating. I think a lot of people tend to think that because I am sick that I don't want to hear about food. This isn't necessarily the case. When I got home from the hospital and was crashed on the couch the first channel I turned on was the Food Network. In fact sometimes in bed in the hospital I would lie in bed and think up menus for the next week when I could eat again. Teriyaki is HIGH on my list of things to consume this week followed by something Mexican. The great thing about all this is that God has still given me the pleasure of finding excitement in food. Food is pretty exciting stuff. Part of my hopes and dreams for being healed and better from this cancer are the meals that I can have with people. It's very exciting to me to think that God uses something we need, food, that can also be so much fun to help us connect with other people.

Thank you all for your prayers, this week continued prayer for healing for me (especially in my mouth) and that I can put on some weight before chemo round 3.

Oh. Another thing, and this would have to be a total miracle of God and I understand it might not happen, but my brother i getting married on July 7th. If you do the math on that properly that is 1 week after round 3 of chemo, which these past 2 times I've been in the hospital. I'm already assuming I won't be able to make it due to having to be in the hospital and under meds and such, but it would REALLY mean a lot to me if I could be there in person, the only way that would happen however would be a complete miracle. It's something we can always pray for, but I know God might say no as well. I just wanted to bring it up.

Thank you all for your support.



  1. Anonymous9:31 AM


    That's really good to hear! I am so glad you are home.

    You may remember Evan Schultz, he was at my wedding. Well...he is now part of the marriage club! Tim Russell was the best man and fun was had by all. They send their thoughts and prayers also.


  2. Ben,

    You are always in our prayers but we'll offer a special one up for your request to be at your brother's wedding. I know how hard it would be to miss it so we pray for that miracle. You are an inspiration to our family as you go through this. Know that you are loved very much.


  3. Anonymous9:50 PM

    My dad went blind when I was a little girl. I remember that he had a lot of trouble with nausea, too, when he would try to walk around. It took him awhile to feel at home in the dark - I am thankful that you have lights to turn on. Have you considered motion detectors in the rooms you mostly use at night? Then you could just wave an arm wildly & not need to move to reach the light switch.
    I, too, will be praying for your presence at your brother's wedding.
    Mare Sullivan

  4. Hey Ben! Just want you to know I've been praying lots for you, and you and your family are in my thoughts often!
    There is a family involved in my community in Seattle at UW as mentors to college students, and Don, the father, was recently diagnosed with a mysterious and aggressive cancer. He is still in the treatment process and dealing with a lot of the same things you are. Don is a wonderful man of God and his strong faith is such a blessing and encouragement. Please check out his blog,, I hope that his words and faith can be uplifting to you, and I bet if you contacted him, he would love to pray for you and talk with you!
    - Lindsey Kasowski

  5. Hi Ben

    You don't know me but my 19 year old son also has this disease. I check your page every once in awhile to see how you are doing. I hope you don't mind.

    If you would like to attend your brothers wedding you may be able to arrange a schedule with the doctor that won't intefere with chemo. Another option is what they call a Day Pass where you could go out for a few hours and than return, of course, that depends on how you feel! I really hope that you can go.

    Be strong. I can see you have a wonderful support group and faith in God.

    Wishing you the best. Be at peace.

    Patty R
    Mom to Nate dx 3/05 DSRCT, stage 4


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