Seeing the world

A friend of mine, also a cancer patient, posed an interesting question to me the other day, which was essentially: has cancer been worth it? The pain, the suffering, the things I have learned, the people I have met, the places I have (and haven't) gone, etc. When I put them on a scale does it even out? Has cancer been "worth it" to me?

I think perhaps this has been one of the most difficult questions to answer. Do I like pain and suffering and being apart from friends and family? No. On the flip side I have learned SOOO much about generosity, trusting in God, and have met new people in many different places because of this. Odds are very good that if I had never gotten this cancer that I'd be living in Seattle still. And, while I am not super excited about it, here I am in Houston, by way of Colorado Springs. I've got a job I really like (as hard as it can be to do from this far), we made friends in Colorado, we're making friends in Houston. Friends in Seattle, Colorado Springs, and Houston have all shown much generosity.

Has it been worth it? I would say that I have learned a lot. Both medically and about God (through people). Pain is a pretty good teacher as well. Have I ENJOYED my journey the past couple of years? Sometimes yes, but when it comes to chemo, drugs and cancer, no, not at all.

But maybe my journey isn't about me. (Not like there is any ONE why) Maybe I am going through this for you as much as I am for me. I know roughly how many people read what I write, but I don't know who you are, or what you are going through. I just write about what is going on in my life as honestly as possible. Maybe my struggles, pain and suffering serve to encourage you, lift you up, or make you think about something you hadn't thought about before. Maybe God is working through me through this blog the same way He is working through all my friends and family via their generosity.

Anyway, I can't say for sure why I am going through this, but as for worth I think, though it has been incredibly hard, that I have learned some things that are very valuable to me. So yes, this journey has been worth it. Would I choose it for myself or do it again? Probably not.

Thank you all for your continued support. No way I could have gotten here without you. Thanks for adding to the worth of this trial.

~B.