The Night I Died

"Q: There is a curse that states that anyone who possesses the diamond will die!
DW: Well, that's true enough for anything if you wait long enough."
-Dr. Who exchange with Queen Victoria in episode, Tooth and Claw.

This quote, while in a silly context of werewolves and time travel, has struck me at a kind of funny time. The other night I had a dream where I actually died. I've had dreams where I have been going to die, but nothing where the process actually happened. Fortunately for me this happened in my dream and I was not human at the time. In my dream I was a replicated human life form being used by a government and when I got into contact with others of my kind we all determined that we were too dangerous to be owned by humans and so we killed each other. I went through a dramatic process of shutdown and things just stopped happening and connections to things shut down. I could no longer see but my "brain" was making up images, I could hear for a while then there was a blip of color and I was dead. Which felt a lot like being in a little black box. At which point I panicked and woke myself up.

I woke up a little freaked out, but I was happy to have awaken. It has been weighing on my mind, since the dream, that real life, my life, is different from just shutting something off. God has imbued us with souls that are eternal, and don't just "shut off" when the hardware (our flesh) stops working. And I realized the other night when I woke up that that is a massive hope for me. Cancer, and chemo, it sucks. Not sure how else to say that. This is some tough stuff. I don't know if God has given me 50 more years on this earth or if I won't see the end of the month, but my hope is that when my body shuts down that my soul, who I have given to God, goes on.

It's not a black nothingness of simply, "turning off the machine". There is a whole new life waiting for us. This can lead to a lot of repercussions. If I was living like there was only now and what I experience physically then quite honestly dying would be scary. It's the end of existence. If I am living like there is another existence and part of now is reflected in the "will be" then I really don't have anything to fear from the change. ESPECIALLY since I know that the God who never changes loves me and cares for me.

Life is difficult, there is no reason with God's love that anyone should fear it's end. From one adventure to the next!


~B.
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