Thursday, October 25

What can I pray?

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about what I should be praying about. I've also spent some rather heart-felt sessions of prayer asking God to remove these tumors from my body. I don't really know that I have really found many answers either way. I know God says that we can ask for things, and that is what you, and I, have been engaged in the last five and a half years when it comes to this disease.

At the same time, this sickness has at times gotten worse, and sometimes gotten better, but never gone away. It's asked me to begin to ask what my life would look like if I had to deal with these on a more long-term basis. What does my life look like if I can only work twenty five percent of what I used to be able to do? What can I do while remaining to be ill, and trying to live some kind of life at the same time. It's not something I had ever thought about before I got sick. But for those of you that are healthy, imagine those times where you stay home from work or school because you have some kind of virus. Now imagine that stretches into months, then years. The "bleh" feeling becomes fairly normal and you have to start to wonder what life is like with this new limitation on your person.

I just started reading a book by Tullian Tchividjian called, "Glorious Ruin". It's a book about suffering. I haven't read too many books about suffering, though I can think of probably think of a handful of them off the top of my head, which means there are most likely hundreds more. I am not a big fan of "self help" style books, where I read something in an effort to try and make myself feel better, and for that reason I have avoided books on suffering in the past. This one landed on my lap this week though and some of the words used in the description were some things I had said in my prayer time with God, so I figured that maybe this was something I should look into.

Overall I don't know that it's going to provide me any specific answers about what I am going through, I think though, that it will provide a different point of view on suffering that perhaps I am in need of at the moment. I feel like I am at a place where something needs to change. Either my view on things, or something physically with my treatments.

I'll continue to seek out what God wants from me, but as you can probably tell from the last couple months of blog posts, that I am in a questioning time of life right about now. So maybe the thing I need prayer for (along with healing) is that I'd be able to find some answers to some of the questions I have had arise recently.

Thanks for following along and for supporting Lisa and I.

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