Unpopular Topic

To talk about death seems, in some people's minds, to admit some kind of defeat. Death, like pregnancy is something that people should be prepared for. Very rarely do you approach pregnancy with surprise. OH MY GOSH, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!? From the first breath we take we are headed towards death. Really it shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that death is going to happen.

For me, I always kind of imagined I would have somewhere near 60-70 years of life in which to call my own, and I budgeted accordingly. At the moment the medical community is telling me that I am going to come up 30 - 40 years short on that number. God has always known how much time I have... and frankly it might be more (or less) time than I have been quoted, but God has known since day one, what that final number is going to be.

So then, how does one go about preparing for death? That is the question I have been trying to find some answers to. I don't feel like this is a waste of time, or a "defeatist" attitude in any way. If God does decide to bless me with far more time than has been estimated for me then I've prepared for an event that most people don't spend much time thinking about.

Ultimately I have very few answers when it comes to thinking about death. I've read the Randy Alcorn book "Heaven" (Which I cannot recommend enough to anyone), and I have thought about tasks that I do that would need to be done by other people... but a lot of that seems mainly "administrative" in nature. That won't matter to me at all once I am dead, it helps the people left here.

I find myself wondering how much of preparing for death really isn't about me, (as a Christian the ultimate "preparing for death" has been asking Jesus to be my savior, and giving Him control of my life.) but for everyone else. The term "Legacy" comes to mind. For some the fear of death is eclipsed by the thought that they might be forgotten. And that is true death, that no one would remember who they were, or what they did. I've always been a "behind the scenes" type guy and I'm not that big on standing up in front of people and getting recognized for something I have done, so in many ways leaving a mark on the world that is so big that no one can miss it really hasn't been a concern of mine. God has blessed me with all of you readers and those that know about what is going on, which would be huge if that was something I was striving for. But it's not.

If I were to nail down what I would like from a "legacy" it's that what I have gone through would be:

1. To inspire people in some way (perspective, trust in God, thanking God, help in getting through something similar (cancer), or perhaps that someones life is prolonged (physically or eternally) because of something that I went through.) 
2. That something God has blessed me with would increase in some way in all your lives and in turn would bless people in your own spheres of influence.

But honestly, even if what I was going through was just for me, I have learned so much about life, living, love and my Savior that I feel like this whole thing hasn't been in vain. This whole thing hasn't been just for me though. God has blessed me with all of you readers, so I know that the words and thoughts I have been given by God are also for you, and others I don't know. For that I am grateful.

As I proceed down this path I think it's important to remember I am still alive and as long as I have breath that God is still using me. At the same time remembering my ultimate end goal, heaven, is important. Whether that is tomorrow, two months, five months, or forty years, my end will come, and when it does I want to be ready for it.

Just because I have some idea of how my end might come doesn't mean that I am any different from you. You don't know your end either, and while you assume, as I did, that you have years to go, please remember that we are fragile things with eternal souls, and that while our time on earth is brief, our "time" in eternity is what matters in the long run. Please remember that God loves you, and wants you (YOU as an individual person with so much to offer!) to accept the free gift of salvation He has offered and to spend eternity with Him. The alternative is eternity apart from a loving God in darkness and loneliness.

Death is really just the start, and while I am intimidated by the passing process I am not afraid of what lies on the other side. Like a baby, all they know is the womb, (Why would they want to leave that?) so I think is the passing from this life into heaven. There is a larger world out there on the other side, and it's as unknown to us here as life outside the womb is known to a newborn.

Prayer Requests:

• These new drugs are making me queasy. (And I am on some decent anti-nausea meds) And it's only day two. 
• Dreams: I ask this a lot, but with the advent of new medication that generally effects my dream-life. 
• Restful sleep, I have been waking up in the morning feeling horribly tired and sleepy. Proper drugs helps some of that go away, but I am still pretty tired.
• Driving to Colorado and time in Colorado would be good time with family. (And maybe even a little work, assuming I am not sick from these drugs.)

Thanks everyone for the prayers and support. Christmas cards go out today! Keep an eye on your mailbox for the letter from us! I'll be posting the card and letter we sent out around Christmas so those of you not on the list will get to enjoy the card and letter we sent out as well. Thank you!

~B.
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