Thursday, December 13

Pills, Costs, and Worth

Last night as I was taking pills I realized that I put down 170 dollars worth of pills, and next week when I go to taking twice the amount I will be taking about 350 dollars of pills a night. Needless to say I would MUCH rather be putting that money into a fancy dinner or vacation than 6 little pills. Oh well... at this point what's another 10k when I've crested 750k so far in the attempt to prolong my life.

It has always made me wonder if the money being poured into my treatments is/ has been worth it. While I know you can't really and honestly put a price on human life I have always wondered if those funds might have gone towards something that would have saved more lives. But then I think about it and realize that there is no way some insurance agency would have used that money in some other fashion. It would most likely have lined someone's pocket instead of going to some greater good.

It's kind of one of those "hypothetical questions" that never really could be answered, but if the insurance company (in an attempt to save money) had come to me and said, "Here's 300,000 dollars to not take treatment." if I would have taken it. I'm not sure if I would have then (most assuredly not) and I probably wouldn't take it knowing what I know now. (Well, if they offered me that kind of deal NOW I might take it, but not back then...) A lot could be done with that kind of money.

The point of this little exercise is really just to showcase what goes on in my head sometimes, asking if the cost has been worth it. At this point in my life I can say yes... All the pain and the suffering has been worth it. If nothing else I have learned a lot about myself, my friends, my family, and my God. Has it been difficult? Yes. Would I do it again? Errrr, I think I would probably still land on the "no" category still. Though, that is what makes God in control of my life and not me. I would not choose the kind of life I have had, in the past five years, for myself. But it has been far better for me than I could have planned.

Prayer Requests:
  • New pills will be effective.
  • Side effects of new pills would be minimal
  • Our trip to Colorado would be good family time 
Thanks again everyone for the prayers and support. It's meant so much to Lisa and I.

~B.
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