Thursday, August 15

The Single Ladies

One blessing of living in Seattle is that I've got a varied and myriad acquaintanceship here.  Many of my friends have really stepped up their efforts in getting me out of the house, which is good because these days if I stay in too long my mental state rapidly goes downhill.

Some of my single lady friends here have opened their worlds to me.  My sister Cheryl has been especially instrumental in helping me with various tasks and also getting me to volunteer at church.  And no strangers to hardship, two of my old friends Hillary and Patricia lost their mothers to illness and have been extremely empathetic to my grief and processing the end of Ben's life.  I've imposed myself on my sister Kate's good friend Laura to literally take me to nearby mountaintops - physically exhausting, but emotionally refreshing.

These ladies aren't any of your stereotypically bitter, stodgy spinsters.  Oh no.  Their calendars are full of both fun and giving.  Their support systems can handle both compression and tension, and their foundations are drilled down deep.

They make being single seem so easy.  Like a toddler learning to walk, I can only gape at their light and balanced dancing steps, moving forward with joy.  Their love for God is no more or less than my married friends, but they have learned to trust Him well for a different set of needs.

Okay, maybe I'm putting them on a little bit of a pedestal, but I am genuinely inspired and encouraged by watching these friends live.  And maybe I'm not as impaired as I could be.  At least I was a functioning single teen back in the day when my sense of self was forming.  So I don't feel like I need a man on principle.  Just in practice then, I guess?  Or maybe just Ben.

My soul is longing and sometimes desperate.  Recently, God used a sermon podcast and some haphazard reading in the 'Christian Living' section of Half Price books to show me that my needy self should be a bit more discerning in where I find solace each minute.  I tell God, "Hey - I'm strong!  I'll talk to you later," and then I go eat a bunch of Hawaiian Luau BBQ chips or listen to "Stuff You Should Know" podcasts non-stop so that I don't have to think.  Such is human nature and the constant temptation of it.  But the struggle to appear clear-minded and present before God has been more difficult for me lately, even though I need Him greatly.

So I'm grateful that I have so many people to admire.  Thank you all for your wonderful support!


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