Saturday, September 28

Please don't tell me

Readers, I've been remarkably fortunate in that you have said hardly any unintentionally dumb or hurtful things to me in an effort to "help".  Good job, everyone!

However, one reassurance has made me a bit upset.  Surprisingly, it's a thing that only other widows have told me. So I can only assume that this is something that they themselves find comforting.  Thus, they think there's a good chance I'll find it comforting too, I guess? 

Even though I don't know the women who have said this well, this IS the internet.  So if you're reading this, other Widows, please know that I recognize and appreciate your attempt at instilling hope (before I say why it bothers me). The reassurance is:

"Don't worry, you'll get married again."


OK.  The detached, logical part of me says, Sure. I may live another 50 years (!) and a lot can change in that time.  And apparently happy remarriages seem to happen all the time, so there must be a way to move on from the first marriage so that all future relationships aren't doomed, right?

But inside, hearing this makes me sad.  Really and truly, Ben is the only husband I've wanted or could imagine wanting.  Sure, there were some guys I liked before him, but Ben by far outshone them all.  And it feels like no one else could measure up in the future. 

"Remarriage" (for me) correlates to "disappointment," "settling" and "desperation".  I'd be happier living alongside Ben's memory.  These are definite indicators that this is rightly a season for singleness for me (as if there was any doubt!).

Maybe this is taking it a bit far, but you wouldn't tell someone whose child died, "Don't worry, you can have more children," because maybe, but they aren't the same!


In other news, I've made a couple of changes to 802heaven, such as removing the "Meet with Me" and "Help" tabs.  There will be more changes next week.  If I keep blogging there may be a separate page for me down the line, but for now I'll stay here :)

Also please pray for energy and direction. I've been feeling quite overwhelmed by all the choices and changes ahead.  Thanks everyone!


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