Saturday, May 12


"Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our Salvation". (Ps. 68:10)

There was a song that we used to sing in Jr High and High School that had the following lyrics; "Brokenness, Brokenness is what I long for. Brokenness is what I need. Brokenness is what you want from me..."

I was thinking about that this morning. I don't think I ever wanted to be "broken" by God. Or be at a place where I seriously wanted God to have to put me back together. I don't know that I am completely at that point now or not, but I'm really close to broken. God as we read in the bible is the great healer. Jesus heals all sorts of people in the first years of his ministry (read the Gospel of John) and Jesus there is doing the work of God. So I know that even though I may be broken now, that God can heal me. And it won't be some sloppy glue job either. I'll be better than I was before.

I was explaining something to Lisa this morning about my state of mind: Sometimes I start thinking about everything, and then I just get shocked and panicked. At that point it's best for me to move to a place where I can cry. Most of the tears I have shed these past few days have been because I have been touched by someone reaching out to me or a concern for someone else. From tears I'm able to move into laughter and then things start to be better. These steps however are completely encompassed by prayer, scripture reading, and worshiping God through music. So if you are around me and I have a kind of dazed look on my face you might want to see if you can get me to cry. (errrr, that didn't sound so good...)

I've also decided that (as the verse at the top points to) I'm going to only focus on my life one day at a time. When I think ahead towards the future and everything I've got to go through I do not know how I will do it. God's grace is going to be there as are His Peace and His Strength, but I can not control the future by worrying about it. I REALLY, REALLY need to focus on the here and now. One day at a time.

Thank you all very much for your support. It means a great deal to me to get all those emails and read your words of encouragement.



  1. Anonymous12:26 PM

    Amen Ben...

    Do you appreciate calls? Maybe I am assuming too much but I figure you have been inundated with calls these past few days and I don't want to be that one more phone call. Tell us...would you like us to call? Or would E-mails be easier to take in small doses?

    "Bachelor to Rapture" Brother,


  2. Ben,

    We are praying for you while we're down here in Portland. We wish we could be there tonight. Your attitude and honesty in everything you're going through really touches our hearts. The darkness seems overwhelming, but your light is shining very brightly through it all...

    Michelle & Gary


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