When you can buy WINDOWS. Yes, so we got a quote to replace the (aged/ing) windows in our condo and, low and behold, it is the same cost we had assigned to buying a second car. I am guessing that the windows will probably win out over the car being as we would use the windows on a daily basis and the car on a semi-weekly basis. Besides, odds are good the windows would start saving us money, where as the car would draw money on a fairly regular basis. I have a bit of a confession to make. I'm Twitter-patted. (Bambi reference for you there) The "micro-blogging" site Twitter.com is kind of fun and I wish I knew more people on it. It's kind of like a Facebook status, combined with a group chat. I can post whatever I want to say in 140 characters or less, and my "followers" can see and reply to what I have written. It's fun, I've been having little "mini" conversations with people I haven't seen in person in a while. Plus it's kind of fun to see what people are posting if they happen to be by a computer and posting to twitter. (I use an Adobe Air version called Twhirl that sits on my desktop quietly whist I work.) It's also allowed me to have conversations with people who see my Facebook status and ask more about what I meant.
I been having a lot of dreams lately. Last night specifically I had a dream that I had to go into surgery again. It was strange because it happened in my dream just like it did in real life. In my dream I kind of "blacked out" at a certain point and only remember after I woke up. At this point in my life I am trying really hard not to think about what I went through last year. I don't think I would say that I am "out of the woods" by any stretch of the imagination, but it is kind of nice to have the time that God has given me to see people and do things to help people.
I don't know if this has anything to do with being shut in a hospital for so much of last summer, but I have also had quite the desire to travel these last few months. I want to go out and see the world. I'm sure that probably has something to do with being faced with the possibility that I might NOT get to travel when I am "older". It seems to me like traveling is a two sided coin. On one hand you get to experience new places and new people and expand you horizons, on the other hand it keeps you from close friends and family. The dichotomy of travel.
(Picture courtesy of writing this blog and being side-tracked by a small green bird with really bad posture!)
~B.
Thinking about fear--I have never been through what you've been through, but I wonder if you may need to face some of those fears. I'm not even sure what that means, but it sounds like your sub-conscious is doing it anyway.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought--I don't know if you've ever gone through the Bible and done a study on the word "fear," "fears," or "afraid." To find some scripture to memorize and repeat back to yourself or to the Lord when you're in the midst of fear will help.
I also think it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk with a counselor who deals with cancer patients. It may sound like I'm suggesting you are weak, but not at all. Everyone needs someone to talk things out with. You've been through hell and back. I would even suggest that you are dealing with post-traumatic stress syndrom of the cancer variety. Very, very normal for where you've been.