Monday, February 9

Pain and Where God wants me

This weekend I got a migraine. It started on Saturday afternoon while Lisa and I were looking at furniture (not a cop-out, I swear) and proceeded to last beyond the normal 24 hours and into this (Monday) morning. It was a painful weekend, and a weekend that I was supposed to help (on Sunday) lead a table discussion at church. This was to be Lisa and I's entrance into service at our new church. I instead stayed home and tried to ignore the virtual baseball bat hits to my brain. This got me to thinking, and I've wondered this before: If I am doing something that I am pretty sure God wants me to be doing and I am crippled by something like my health where I can't do that thing, what is the point of that? I know God can do anything (including keeping things like migraines and cancer away) but why throw a health curve ball (wow, two sports allusions in one blog post, I must be out of it) at me when I'm about to do something like serve at church, or plan new technology for OC?

I honestly don't know what to do with this. I mean I feel like God has called us here to COS, and I genuinely love my job, so things like illness frustrates me. I mean it's not like I can really "slow down" when I have a migraine and reexamine my life. I have to spend as much time as possible asleep so I don't go crazy with head-pain. (and/or throwing up)

I guess I'm not looking for THE ANSWER to why I have medical issues, it's just that things like this weekend confuse me. Is there something I need to learn from all this? I know I am not the first missionary to go out onto the field and get sick, so what lessons were learned through the pain of waiting out illness?

Is it something to do with pride? (Doesn't everything come back to that eventually?) DO I need to adjust something? Or is this just "my thing"? "Oh yeah, I get migraines..."

I guess I ask all this because I feel like my mind and spirit want to go about 300mph and all my body can do is a poky 25mph in the school zones. I feel like I could get a lot more done if it wasn't for sicknesses that arise.

(Aside: that little frosted cake things they had out on the table looked like it was going to be way better than it was. The perfect white square with drizzled white loops over its surface called out to be broken into. One bite, however, confirmed that I didn't miss anything by not taking one this morning. Wax should NOT be an ingredient used in frosting. EVER. I'll probably spend the rest of the day getting that taste out of my mouth.)



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