Wednesday, January 5

Burried: Raw

Saying "I don't know where to start" seems like a good place to start. The news we got today from the doctor was not something I would consider good. Both Lisa and I had been holding out a hope that because I had gotten the full clinical trial this past eight weeks that the scan would show a little less activity or stability. That wasn't the case. There is a third new tumor spot in my back and the other two spots have shown increased activity, so much so that they took me off the clinical trial.

After our trip to Seattle we'll be seeing my original oncologist here at MDA about what is next. When last we left him he was talking about a pretty heavy increase in meds.

I'm going to be perfectly honest, I am really, really frustrated by this news. I feel like Lisa and I felt like we were way out front only to turn around and realize we weren't nearly as far as we thought. Like we'd been hiking for what felt like hours and then we pass the 1 mile sign.

I feel pretty purposeless right now. We moved from Seattle to follow a dream and a calling, and now we're in Houston with very few friends and no family. I am having a hard time even knowing what to ask or what to fix. I feel pretty cut free and lost right now. On top of being very, very tired of this battle/ war.

I could really use a lot of prayer, Lisa could use a Lot of prayer... hug your families extra tight tonight.

~B.