This is going to be my first weekend since having "the bomb" dropped on me, and of course, the first weekend before I know if there will be any sort of plan or not for future chemo. (I have a dr's appointment at 9am on Monday to follow up on that)
My appetite hasn't really improved much at all. Sleep comes and goes with some pretty bad dreams. I'm not really sure what I am supposed to do with myself. I think we ask ourselves as kids all the time, "If you only had X long to live what would you do?"
Well, fight for more life is typically what I would be doing... but this weekend is a bit of a limbo weekend. "Between life fighting projects" one might say. Almost makes me wish I could just forget for a weekend... but frankly remembering is what would make the time more sweeter and keep me from treating it like any other weekend.
The flip side to that is that there are a thousand and one things I would like to do. So many stories I haven't read, people I would like to hang out with, paintings I would like to draw, food I would like to try. That's the difficult part. Am I going to run myself ragged trying to get in a bunch of stuff the next few months? I don't know if that will ever really sink in. I mean, as long as there are options I would like to continue to fight this disease.
I am going to go paint a Christmas card. The prayer thing for me is tonight (see previous post) if you are in Houston and interested in coming. (You don't have to be there in person, other people around the world, we are starting at 6:30pm (CST) but nothing says prayer has to happen all at the same time for it to be effective, so I ask that you'd just remember to pray for me when you can.)
~B.
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