Starting Light

Guys, I have so many half-finished blog posts saved on Blogger.  Most of them are topical, and they will keep fresh a little longer.  But before these current events expire on the shelf, they shall be shared!

 First, let's start light, then work our way to heavier topics.  For those who haven't see it yet, this is my Halloween costume:

Since (unusually) I attended three costume parties, there were standards this year.  It's Kaylee from Firefly, ya'll!  If you don't know who that is, just know that Ben would have thought this costume was awesome.  Though he would not have appreciated that part of the "weathering" process involved rolling in the mud and that I smelled a tad dank afterward.

Work in Colorado is still providing me with abundant projects, and there are still odds and ends to take care of for Ben's estate.  It's been very satisfying to help his things find new homes; so far the only thing thrown away is old underwear.  A new friend even helped get a bunch of Ben's clothes to homeless folks in Seattle.

My family vacationed in Tucson in October, which was generally delightful.  We rocked the mini-golf course, and learned lots of sciency-things at Biosphere 2, the Desert Museum, and Kartchner Caverns.  In celebration of my mother's birthday, we had a mystery dinner.  Mom was the only one who guessed the murderer correctly, which must be due to all the Agatha Christie she's read.  Also, we watched the Fistful of Dollars trilogy.  Ben liked those movies, but I had never seen them before.  They're pretty epic - plus the Sonora Desert is the perfect place to watch Westerns.

The travel continues: I just returned from Houston, for the Engineering Ministries International conference and to see friends. Time flew by with the adopted Aunt and Uncle, the Dallas Sotos and Houston Sotos, the Aggie geologists and engineers crew, and especially my Veritas besties - both the quiet ones and the loud ones (you know who you are). 

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This is something I wrote a couple of weeks ago:

As for the future, though the circumstances of my life provide a platform, it feels rickety.  Partly because God's plans for me maybe won't appear spectacular?  And partly because my sin is believing that God doesn't have much in store.  From what I've heard, many people who are grieving feel guilt for any happiness or laughter (eg How can I be having a good time when ___ is dead?).  For me, it's almost the reverse. Being discouraged or stagnant makes me feel guilty.  Ben would want me to be experiencing life to the fullest.  Some of my friends are like him, and they see the freedom of my current state as the bright silver lining in my life.  Oh, I wish I was like that!  The future looks dark right now. 

That statement isn't true anymore!!  Over the course of the EMI conference I got so much information.  Some of it came through the sessions, Q&A's, and keynote speakers.  Some of it from talking to dozens of architects and engineers who want to use their training to help the poor.  And some of it came during the worship sessions, and the times I zoned out to pray and process.

God even gave me a new friend, who was a great sounding board for all the craziness in my head throughout the weekend.  I'm kinda surprised that I didn't scare her off, but when I found out that we were both fascinated with toilets I knew it was meant to be.

Some of the information, praise Him, helped me to realize that now is not the right time for some of the things I was considering.  Some of it showed me potential for the next steps.  And some of it helped me to see that there can be great purpose in becoming a fully equipped architect, and so I'm motivated to work on the things I only felt obligated to learn before. 

For the last few months, I was saying "yes" to any opportunity that came along.  But now things are changing, and it's time to start saying "no" to some things so that I can say "yes" to goals that are less demanding but more important.  God has given me vague but alluring visions of possibilities, which  stretches and tires out my little brain but makes it so happy! Now I pray for continued guidance and focus.

Thank you for walking this road with me.  Thank you for being patient with my confusion and neediness.  God is good and faithful.