Saturday, July 28

Greatly, Deeply

"Whom God will use greatly, He will wound deeply."
A.W. Tozer
Not to be pretentious, but if I ever write a book about my cancer experience (that's not comedy) I'll call it "Greatly, Deeply". A co-worker of mine tweeted that this morning.

Several things come to mind by that quote that I couldn't stay asleep for, so I thought I would blog. (How often do YOUR co-workers keep you up in the morning with thoughtful quotes about God?)

First, despite the order of the words it's generally that God will bring something into your life that will hurt to a great extent in order to be able to use you. It's part of a preparation. And sometimes it doesn't happen quickly... sometimes it takes a long time. Though the great thing is that we can have confidence that God is, and/or will be using us! And honestly, what's better than than being used by the maker and creator of the universe?

Second, the quote says nothing about healing.  I am reaching a really strange place (it seems to me) where I am becoming OK with having cancer. (It's not a fight I'll stop, mind you) I prayed, and asked fervently for healing in the past five years and honestly I wonder if I should have been praying for complete trust in God instead. It's like getting put on a roller coaster. You will get jerked around, go up, go down, maybe even do a barrel roll, but when you're praying for it to be over, it's not like the ride is just going to stop and let you off. There is a course. You have to have faith that the designer of the ride went to school, got an engineering degree, did all the right math, etc etc and that the ride, despite being scary as all-get-out is going to bring you to the end in one piece. (This analogy isn't perfect, don't take it too far...) The point here is that I'm on a course that God has set me on. Do I like it? Would I choose it again? Would I give it to anyone else? Does it matter what I think? I told God many times, in many places, "Send me. I'll do what you want me to do. I'll obey you." This is God saying, "Ok. Here's a lesson in trust." 

I've been torn recently by requests from people (see the prayer request link below my signature) recently who have asked me to pray for "quick" healing for children, parents, or themselves. Yes, I will pray for you. But I don't know (if you are a Christian) that I can really pray for "quick" healing when I have seen God use poor health so much in my life and the lives of others. I want you to learn more about God, and frankly a quick and un-memorable fix to your problem isn't going to help you learn about God as much as you wished it would. I won't actively pray that God would "wound" you... but if you really want to get to know God better, really and honestly, it's not going to happen without taking you out of your comfort zone, and more than likely it'll come with pain.

I can't say life will be easy, and honestly if I want there to be some meaning to my suffering, or some purpose to life after death, then I have to believe that God wants the best for me. And getting my attention off of myself and my mundane life is to thrust me into something greater takes a lot more than some "still small voice" that I can ignore for the booming of my Xbox. 

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