Process with Thanks

The past five days have been unexpected, more painful,  and more frustrating than any other time that comes to mind this past year. We KNOW we should try and keep an open hand when planning. Both so if God wants us to do something with us and/or I get really sick. (Which is also God asking us to do stuff.) this time around though we thought we had a green light, so we were proceeding, when we got what we thought was a yellow light. It was in fact very red and we had to retool what we thought we knew and were allowed to do. Sometimes I think I can see some of why God does something, but a good chunk of the time I am just flat out confused.

I really don't know why God has had me in the ER for the past five days, but I've learned the best way to deal with the frustration and confusion is to thank Him. Dear Lord, thank you for my voice, my readers, everyone who prays for me, the medical staff, and on and on. It's very easy when I'm frustrated or confused when I felt like God told me to do something and now I'm stuck somewhere else.

"Thanks" starts to provide you and I with perspective. You know what? I might not be able to make it to Colordo Springs for two weeks like I wanted, but I am thankful we have family to see at Christmas time, a car/ resources to get to Colorado, family that loves me, friends who will bend over backwards to help, and the list goes on. That really is the beauty of giving and living my life to/for God. He loves me and is going to do what is the best for me. He loves me equally to how he loves my wife, my parents, my siblings, etc. He knows, nothing is going to be a mistake, it might be a delay in the adventure you and I had planned, but I cannot think of a time when God took me somewhere and I wasn't amazed or impressed by something God taught me, a person I have come into contact with, or I was able to be there for someone when they needed me when normally I might not have been. The list of things go on and on. I've heard these called "divine appointments", but in reality it's just a life God is using. You only see doctor's on special occations, so that is why I think "Divine appointments" doesn't accuractly cover the fact that if you are open to it, this will be your life. Confusing and frustrating if you don't remember perspective. Again, where "thanks" comes in. I thank God for everything He's given to me in this situation, and the thing I was frustrated about fades away as I learn to accept the thing that God has for me right here and now.

Sometimes those things come at a cost (family get-togethers, hanging out with friends, etc etc) but ultimately I give thanks for the things I have been blessed with, my perspective changes and then I try to be available to what God wants me to be doing with the change in plans. It's really something that we learned the first time I was sick back in 2007. Plans are very difficult to set in stone. I still have problems with this. Despite the fact that things change so rapidly in our lives we still try and get it to conform to the eay everyone else does things... And that ends up causing us problems. Maybe some day we'll learn our lesson.

Prayer requests:

• We could find a balance for my bowels and that they would not contribute any further to the large amounts of pain I am in.
• My abs heal up quickly from all the vomiting I have done these past few days, I think I tore or pulled something fairly badly.
• My platelets are dropping. In the past 4 days they went from 147 to 89. They were supposed to drop to a lower number, but I don't think my oncologist was expecting them to do that so quickly. The hope is that they tapper off at a higher number and stay there. 
• The plan is to escape the hospital today! (Though, what did I just say about plans...)
• Still hoping to make it to COS... Preferably by the Sunday before Christmas.
• That meds I am taking for pain would continue to work well, that meds I am taking to fight the tumors would actually work and start killing those tumors, other meds i have been given will help balance my fatigue/ tiredness/ nausea better.

Thanks everyone, you inspire me to keep going, to keep fighting when things are rough. Thank you for reading and for caring about my life. Don't hesitate to contact me about anything you might need prayer for. You help me so much, let us pray for you! Thanks team.

~B.
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