Thursday, January 20

Goodbye mental clarity

Yesterday was possibly one of the most stressful days I can imagine having. Let me try and help you understand some of the stress: First of all, start off with a doctor's visit. Only you don't know what he is going to say, but it IS going to be something about your mortality. So the words coming out of his mouth could be anything from "Wow, this is really not good..." to "I've seen worse." But then keep in mind he's a specialist in a kind of cancer that twelve people a year are diagnosed with. Got all that, stressful. THEN add two to three hours of wait time on top of that, AFTER you appointment time. It makes for a long day that you just want to be over. I pretty much just wanted to hear what he had to say so I could STOP hearing him say it.

However, despite the kind of poor bed-side manner of this doctor in the past I really think all your prayers worked to great effect because he was downright nice. The regime that I am going to be going on for the next few months isn't going to be friendly on my mental clarity, but the hope is that it'll hold the cancer over until they get another trial drug ready which is targeted directly at the cousin cancer of what I have and they hope will have the same effect as it did in lab-rats. (Stopping the production of tumors)

The side effects of this are confusion and hallucinations. I don't know how drastic it'll be, but I don't relish the idea of confusion OR hallucinations. I know what my mind can cook up and it's not always friendly. I would appreciate prayers for the side effects.

I could also use your help in trying to figure out what to do with three and half days in the hospital. Reading is going to be pretty out because of the mental clarity thing. They have TV, but it seems like the only good TV is on at night. The internet they have there is spotty and I am not sure I want to bring my laptop and have it be subject to disappearing. I would love any suggestions for things to do! Especially that doesn't require great amounts of thinking.



  1. Audible books? I think you tried that before. How did it go then? I can't remember...and I'm guessing you can't either...however, it might be an idea.

  2. I'm thinking Sydney would suggest knitting...but it does take some mental clarity. I like making those potholders from the square brains at all required (little girls do it for goodness sake!). I'll keep thinking, but all in all this is good news right?

  3. Anonymous11:01 AM

    I hadn't thought about that Christine... I could just CHURN out potholders. Maybe I can start a company and call it "CAN Hold", with all profits going towards cancer research. I wonder how many of those nylon string things 1000 dollars in seed money could get me... =)

    On a good news/ bad news scale I am not really sure how to classify it. It's like being in a holding pattern over the airport. You haven't run out of fuel and crashed yet, but you're not on the ground and out of the plane either.

  4. I would go with knitting prayer shawls. While you're knitting it you pray for whoever will get it that it will bring them comfort. I'm sure you could give them to the hospital or your church and they would give them to people who are in need of some comfort (like you) you can just google prayer shawls and will get lots of patterns - they can be very easy

  5. Anonymous6:00 PM

    Hey Ben, if you think you can handle playing a game on your phone I highly suggest Angry Birds. Pretty low on mental needs, but high on fun & time killing. I can play that crazy game and wham where did that hour just go? We are praying for you Ben!

    ~ Steve Ercolini

  6. I would suggest maybe listening to every ounce of classical music you can get your hands on. Maybe Baroque or whatever you can stand. That kind of music is heavy on feeling and you won't have a verbal narrative running through your head being miscontrued by your brain.

    You might be able to swing a really cheap "coby mp3 player" if you are worried about theft.

    I'll think of some more stuff.

  7. nicholas Manning11:24 PM

    Ben Your in my Prayers!!!


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